Init_0

Everything ends? Or everything begins? Two questions that will haunt me in the next chapter of my life that follows. Will I ever reach that phase where everything will be forgotten,  will I ever reach the top of the spiritual mountain, a mountain with one person climbing it. Yes you have guessed it right, myself. For the past 3 years and so, I was climbing the mountain called life which for me is tightly intertwined with another mountain called love. Or maybe love can be defined as a volcano. A volcano that never stops with its eruptions. That volcano is finally gone. I can’t be burned once again. I can’t, because I know that that fire will never be there again. My heart will never love anyone as it loved her. Anna Elizabeth. The two names I instantly felt in love with. From the moment she introduced herself. I liked those names and I know that they will mean everything to me. I knew that from the very first days I was in love with her. I was falling in love gently, rapidly, but it was unsurprising because I knew that it will happen. My heart knew that she was the one I have been waiting for, from the very first moments. From the very first moments I saw her green eyes. I trusted her, I cried for her, and I was ready to sacrifice everything for her. She was my cherry blossom, my favourite flower, she was the river that never stops, an eternal flame that can never be contained or extinguished. My heart got the confirmation that she I made the right choice, from the very first time I hugged her. It’s not easy to love, but it was easy to love her. It was easy to feel home with her, because she was my home. She instantly became my only family that I always needed.

And now there is that steep mountain. A mountain that has many narrow cliffs. Cliffs from which I am destined to fall and maybe never get up again. Endless abyss from which I can only see darkness and nothing more. And nothing else will ever matter again, because the darkness will cover me entirely. Even though I am a warrior of the light (“Paulo Coelho”). Like in the Pandoras box, there will only remain hope. And maybe not even that. It will be my box, my demise that will trap me and from which I might not escape. It will be a box inside a bigger box called life and I will be in a state of limbo. Time will seem endless and I will chained in the purgatory with only myself and maybe if I am lucky my mind. Without my heart and maybe without my sanity. I will go back to the introverted, arrogant me and I will know that this time she will not be there to see through that facade, she won’t be there to save me from myself.

Init_0 started today, the 18th of March 2017.

Hollow talk

Just a name of a song by Choir of Young Believers or is it just that? I wish it was just that. And I wish I had never felt that hollow talk. I wish I didn’t have to come to this place. Dark place, full of clouds, a place where nothing is clear, where your head wants to continue, but something more important tells you that you can’t move forward. Fast forward 5 years from now. I might have a better social status, I might have a better job, I might become the person I see myself as in 5 years, but will it be worth? I might be more satisfied,  but I won’t be happy. I might be free, but I won’t be dependent. I might be loved, but I will never love.Not as I did. Because we have only one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything we ever wanted, in one moment, will we capture it, or just let it slip? Eminem anyone? And it definitely slips away, that moment, that in my life was planned to last forever, because I know that in my mind, and in my heart that moment is forever captured, forever remembered and never forgotten. No pictures, no videos, just me and my memories that I will nurture and I will never let my mind forget them, I will never let my the emotions that my heart feels go away, vanish, as if they never were there. I can’t be a hypocrite to myself and let that happen.It definitely is painful. Many have said, you are young, you can’t possibly think like that, but it is possible, because I think I know myself pretty well. Darkness looms over me, and darkness is covering my entire room except the area in front of my laptop screen. Will light shine again as it did in the past 3 years? Will I ever be able to see beyond the darkness, and be able to live this life and be truly happy, on my own and dependent on myself only? Hardly probable, Is time the perfect healer? Again, hardly probable. The things that are sure are that I will have to start anew, learn to live this new kind of imposed life, one without my best friend, have many sleepless nights, be lonely, look at life from many angles, and have hollow talks with myself.

 

Loving the world through loving yourself

I want to start my Sunday post by saying thank you to my best friends, which I respect immensely, and which helped me in numerous occasions, through words only, through their side of life, through their views and understandings. Those friends that you can get up in the middle of the night to keep you company, ask them to go on a walk with you without giving them any reason to, understanding you, and even if they don’t say anything they say much. Sadly, one of the two, is not near me so that I can bother more at the moment, but luckily I was lucky enough to have met him, and to maintain that understanding that is pretty rare, on a greater level, on a level where we can agree about our disagreements, and surprise ourselves sometimes by thinking about the same exact idea or finding out that some of our definitions about life, love, the world are the same. Hopefully, they will read this one day, and they will enjoy recognise themselves, it will mean something to them, and they will remember parts of this digital scribble, if not the whole thing.

To continue, as we all know, life is hard. It gets even harder when you feel that the unity that you taught is eternal it was still of this world, human, and with an expiration date.. When the one that you thought was happy with you and can’t live without you, feels trapped and wants freedom, when the one that you were saying to I want to do all of the things with you, no matter what it is, out of love, and because she was your everything, doesn’t want that, and wants to do things by herself, and treats you weird and rejects that idea of being with one another constantly. Maybe some are too self-centred, and need that freedom, and can’t get past that idea of giving part of their freedom to that other person that they claim they care and love so much. Maybe they can’t modify their lives, make small tweaks that will ultimately make their lives fulfilled, because they are doing the things that makes the unity happy instead of the individual. Maybe it’s unimaginable for some people to function like this, because nowadays, people are more and more raised to think individually. When someone can’t see the bigger picture, and see beyond that, transcend that field, that person is trapped, confined, and living within his/her limits, too afraid to realise what is right, and too afraid to make a change, or be open to a change.

Luckily there are people out there, that are seeing the world positively, they see love as a revelation, as a sacred thing, as a superlative feeling, as the feelings above all feelings, and that love must start from the love within you, your inner self and everything you represent. The love that you have for yourself, transmits into others and makes their lives more beautiful, because if you can’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love others, you don’t know the feeling, and you can’t look for the same thing in others, and seek their love, if love as a variable is unknown to you. Everything comes to an end one day, everything except love, and even though life is hard, harder when you feel that that sacred love is getting unidirectional, you mustn’t forget things, you mustn’t remain the best version of yourself that you know, and move forward, because that love will always be there, the love within yourself, and the love towards someone, despite everything will not be wasted, it will remain on the highest step of the mountain called life, and it will stay there, forever, and it will never die, because it was, it is, and it will always be,infinite.

 

An inevitable women tribute

8th of March, Wednesday morning, listening to Dido. What a special day. A day we should all celebrate with all the women we know, or at least write to them, because it means so much to them. From what I’ve witnessed throughout my life so far, it means a lot more to a woman to receive whatever sign of affection than to a man. And that is completely normal. Of course today is the official day, or the mainstream one, but we should be every day remembered that women hold an equal right as men in this world. History showed us that women didn’t receive the same rights as they do nowadays. We all know that history shouldn’t be forgotten, but that is history and we should live in the present and future and I am so happy to have witnessed  that change, read about that change that allows us all equal rights in every sphere. Of course, there are still many cases and situations where things should improve. Many countries where women still receive lower salaries  men, or they are not as respected at their work, or not enough respected at home even. Many countries where women are afraid to voice and share their opinion and to freely speak. And in 2017, to still witness and see that is quite sad. But we must know that the hardest thing to change in life is our culture. It requires hundreds of years, many books, positive thinking, even posts like this one are all contributing to changing that culture and making our world a better place.  And we should all do that. We all should be aware that women are special.

Furthermore, I like to add, that in my opinion women are the more gentle gender. The more beautiful one and the more serene one. I will probably always think that. There is a certain and a huge beauty about women that men will never reach, Their smile,  kindness, honesty, pureness, are all beauties that make this life beautiful and that lights this world up. It’s not a coincidence that that greatest feeling in the world is to feel that women’s love, to reach her hear, and to feel and witness her emotions towards you. It’s a great feeling to look at a woman in her eyes, and recognise that beauty, that pure and inside beauty that in my opinion only women truly have. Yes men can be gentle too, and yes they are beautiful in their own way too, but there is just that something, that is naturally different.

To finish, this is for all of you, first and more importantly for women, not just because of today, but because of every other day of the year, you are making our lives special, you are a key ingredient to our lives, you are the beauty in this world, you are beautiful. You deserve so much and so much more, because you bring that special beauty in this vast world. That is rare, that is irreplaceable and that is a great virtue. And for men, please respect all of the women around you, help them, take care of them, but last and not least, look at their eyes, hold them and hug them, and tell them they are special, words are enough. If you can, give them a flower on this day, not just on this day. Give them the symbol of femininity, Or maybe something else if you please.  The material gifts or presents are not at all important.

Lastly to all the women out there, enjoy, and be proud of everything you have achieved, and know that you are grand.

Late morning

What is it, that makes our lives co complicated? Why can only some of us see beyond, and why are only some of us prepare to listen, but not just listen because they were told to but really listen and understand?

As I drinking my late morning coffee I am realising more and more that the crucial confusion nowadays is the lack of balance. People, societies are lacking that balance that will allow them to comprehend problems better and treat problems or details and life better. What kind of a balance is it? It’s a complex idea, that can be described by many differently. For me that balance consists of several ”concepts” like: love (first towards ourselves and then others), happiness that should come through love and not materialistic values and possessions , intelligence (whatever types of it). Now there are surely other ”concepts” that I can’t remember at this moment, but those 3 hold the keys to life, to making it worthy, and liveable. Many might say, but life can be lived in different ways, but is that really the case? Aren’t we all following a very similar path, supervised by many in our lives, that must follow rules, manners, ideas, systems, must respect others (sometimes falsely), otherwise society looks at us differently, it ”condemns” us, and it renders us, different. We are being told that  we have all the freedom to do whatever we want, yet we all tend to follow that similar path, work jobs that we really don’t want, stay in relationships we don’t really feel the need for, be mature, be yourself. So where is the hurdle, where is the switch, from those years where we were told to be ourselves, that we can make everything by ourselves to be similar to others? First of all, the problem in that is that many nowadays believe in that individualism. And yes individualism is needed. But not full. Individualism should not prevail. No matter how hard the system pushes that idea to us. That we have to be responsible for ourselves that our lives are our lives and we are the masters of our ”destiny”. There is not such thing as destiny anyways only different choices. Our lives, from the moments we are born are dependent on others. And it’s in our nature, and it makes us feel better, to be dependent on others. And I am not referring to the financial dependency. I am writing about the bonds that we create form when we are born. Human bonds, emotional bonds that create that beauty in our lives, bonds that without, we are mare unknowns in a vast world. It’s not a coincidence that the thing that brings us the highest joy and happiness in life is when we meet our soulmate. Because she/he can understand us the best. Because through him/her, we share every other bond so far, every experience we have had, every moment of magic of our lives, we combine it with theirs. And we create something. Something unforgettable, something special and endless. But we must not forget, those are not only our experiences, our magic, it’s all of ours. The lessons in life that we learn are combined, and our views are not just our views they are affected. That being said, that’s the first and biggest reason why can we live our lives successfully. The moment we achieve and have that balance with someone we are the people from when we were kids. And we know that we think and we learn the most when we are in that ”state”. Sadly, nowadays rarely someone believes in that. I keep seeing, hearing people that claim that it’s ok to be in open relationships, that there is nothing wrong with that, I keep seeing people that marry just because they want to be socially known and recognised. They pass knowledge, ideas, life, to their kids, and they are busy of it, they are tired, of their lives, they are too busy to dedicate the time they have, that we all have, to teaching their kids valuable lessons, by mainly just being with them. And there it is again, the lack of balance. That again comes through loving and believing in ourselves as people, that again comes from our parents and society, and then loving our one partner that we choose to share our world with. In a world where, people say I love you to each other just for the sake of it, at time where people are so insecure about their lives, about their beauty as people, insecure about their looks, positions in life, at time where they lack motivation, courage, confidence, it’s no coincidence that at that same time, people lack greatly love, and through that balance. All of them are linked, and they can never be broken. Because that is what makes this morning beautiful, that is what makes us people beautiful, the ability to love ourselves, share that love with all, and love that one person that is the person we trust the most from the moment we see them in the void, from the moment we first say hello to them. Balance in all things.

Machines are overrated

We are all becoming more and more aware of the fact, that nowadays, computers, cell phones, tablets are becoming the centre of our lives. Recently I read an article which was a great initiative against this new reality. Namely the article was about a law that France started implementing from this year, that will allow the employees to choose whether they want to check their work emails or check anything related with work on their cellphones past 13:00. The law also allowed the employees that on weekends they don’t have to check anything related with work, and get the necessary break. And furthermore, on vacations they also don’t have to check or manage anything work related. What was the reason behind implementing a law like this? Because a research showed that using cellphones most of the time lowers your productivity, using it when you are home for work, can cause problems in the relationship and with that cause stress.

Now, personally, this is a big step towards forming that balance that in my opinion is hugely lacking. Each day as I am walking somewhere I can see people bury their faces in their screens. Subways, work environment, restaurants, bars, waiting rooms, home, football stadiums etc. Fans of their favourite team are not following their team, but instead they are doing vlogs, watching the game through their little screen, and check their phones constantly instead of enjoying whatever they are watching. I can’t help but notice that and I can’t help but not being highly irritated. One may say, well it’s their lives and they can do whatever they want with them. But as many know, it’s not remotely simple. Our lives are connected, we can’t isolate ourselves. Even the perfect introvert is influenced somehow by the people around him, by the internet or in some other way.

As an optimist, and a perfectionist, I want a balance, I want to create that,  and I can sense that there is a great imbalance nowadays. And I believe that a huge contributor to that imbalance are the machines, and most importantly cell phones. I went to the store several days ago, and as per habit I didn’t bring my cellphone with me. I knew that in the scope of 20-30 minutes, nothing important will change, a message that I might get will be delivered regardless whether I am there or not thanks to my home router. As I entered the store, I noticed a couple checking a list on their cellphone about what to buy. There is nothing necessarily wrong with that. It’s just a utility that makes our lives more efficient. It saves us time. But in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t that add to that addiction? Isn’t that adding to the attachment to our cellphones and technology? Wouldn’t it be better if that couple discussed and had fun choosing things in the store, without having to follow the list. Yes they might have missed couple of items, but I don’t think that is so problematic.

In my opinion we are thinking less and less. And I am writing this hoping I won’t offend anyone, because that is not my intention. We are becoming too reliant on technology. And as most of us know, the Internet was created for a different purpose. It was created because the US Army needed a system with which they can communicate and send files more easily. The cellphones in the 90’s were created for their primary and for me necessary role, and that is to be able to talk with someone. Today, we are all witnesses that that is changing more and more rapidly. And we are becoming more and more attached.

How to balance things out? By going out. Randomly. Right now. By doing something that is not related to the online world. By painting something in the first given moment. By enhancing our creativity. By opening our minds to something new, something out of the everyday routine. By listening to a song that normally we wouldn’t listen. By seeing things around us, like a person with his backpack open walking on the street, and instead of staring at our facebook page at that moment, actually telling him that his backpack is open and helping him. By sitting on the front of some historic monument or a field, and just let our mind be free and remember that precious moment, that will create a memory, a beautiful one which we will remember for the rest of our lives, instead of taking a selfie that we can’t wait to upload so that the others can see it. In that moment it’s not about the others, it’s about us, it’s about our memories, and our adventures, and if the others want to experience it, they can either come with us and enjoy it, or they can wait for the story, because a story is worth more than 1000 pictures.

The wait

It’s another morning, another day that will be better than the previous one.

I am sure of that, because each day we should all strive for becoming a better version of ourselves.   Is it too much to ask for? Is it really that complicated that each day we do something different, we learn something new, we dedicate a minute, an hour to change something about ourselves that will make our lives better, that will improve our lives and bring more happiness and more joy to us and to people that surround us. Maybe some will say, well it’s a pressure, it’s a pressure to be told what to do, not to accept ”normality”, not to accept routine. But isn’t that the point of everything? The Theory of Everything? That we don’t take things for granted, that we escape our habits, and enjoy the beauty that life and this world offers us. Because life is indeed short. Yes we might reincarnate and live another life, and we might have lives many lives before this one, but this one is the one that matters. This one is the one that we have and that we are living every single day.   Why be trapped into the same cube, within the same walls, and within the same borders, within the same box? The funny thing is that people believe in the idea of democracy, that they are free and that their lives are at their best, when in fact they have to deal with stress daily, with going to the same work (which they probably don’t like), meeting the same people, going on the same vacation (not the same place) year after year, staring at their phones first thing in the morning instead of looking up at the sky, or looking at the face of their partners, and smile at them. So what is all of that if not some really weird and twisted illusion of freedom that people have. And the sad part is people actually like all of it. They have accepted that that is their reality. To be controlled by themselves. Maybe it’s easier to be controlled and live in that bubble, but life is hard, and it’s an adventure, it’s a challenge, and when we grow old, the first thing that we remember are our experiences., we reassemble our memories  and construct stories, stories that we tell our grand kids, or some other kid, and make their days positive, and make them smile. We don’t tell them how good our browsing experience was when we used our phones. We don’t tell them how many comments our Youtube channel had today, or how many pictures we uploaded today that received more than 50 likes. But it takes virtue to construct those stories. And the key for that and my word for today is patience. It takes time to enjoy those experiences first and dedicate time to really enjoy them when we were younger. What I am trying to say is that for many things we should wait. The waiting part makes the outcome of anything more beautiful, more intense, and more worth. It makes us think, it gives us ideas, we construct outcomes, and scenarios, and who knows, maybe because of those ideas and mental labyrinths that we access, maybe an idea arises and its created. Ideas are not born by filling our minds with loads and loads of unnecessary information each day, from media, to our jobs, to browsing the internet. As most may know, the Harry Potter books were created by Rowling being in a train, and just brain storming. That wait, where we allow our mind to enjoy and we give it freedom, is everything. Yes the 21st century is ore stressful than every, and yes things are set up in that way where we are confined by many factors, but we must do something to escape those chains, and make all of our lives better, not just ours. Because we are the architects or our lives and of our future. And for that we need to wait, and be patient and everything will be worth at the end. No matter what the outcome is. We will know that it’s the right outcome and the one that we have thought about and created and not some forced outcome.