Sometimes, it’s very hard to look at reality, to notice it, and to realise that things are actually happening. I wish everything was just a dream that I can wake up from. I wish I can wake up, not thinking about everything that had happened, and be so strong, that I can just forget about everything. Or decide that I will forget it, after a certain period of time. One thing I know for sure, is that I can’t disjoint things and situations easily. I can’t easily be focused about something completely, and not thinking about the world that crumbled in a course of month, despite resolving many other things in my life, but the only thing that I had thought was stable and it won’t shatter, it did broke. The frames of the place I though was my home, broke, and all of the rooms inside feel empty, unprotected and missing that crucial link. That reality, is troubling me, and I don’t have the manual for resolving that imposed reality that caught me so off guard, and didn’t let me prepare for the fall. I don’t know what to think of people anymore. I never believed my family truly, because they all have their perks, I rarely have any friends that I really believe in, but they are just my friends at the end, they can help me, but they can’t form that reality, the new one in which I will see the world as a beautiful place again. A world where I will see people again and smile to honestly. World where when I see a homeless person sleeping with his dog on the street, I will smile because that bond is so unique and in some cases better than a human to human bond. A world where I will have the hope again, that I am not alone out there, that there exists someone that I will be whole again. That hope at this moment is completely gone, and the worst part about it, is that I couldn’t have any real say in it.Like when the snow leopard mom wanders one day alone and leaves her kid to find his way in the high peaks of the Himalayas. Can we compare that with humans? Are we savages then? To have the audacity to decide that, and live in the wilderness again, to be ”free”? Are we an emotionless creatures who can manipulate and trick love and promises, cheat on eternity, for the sole reason of feeling ”free” and feeling ”better”?
I guess one is sure: that more and more people are so careless, they just want an escape route, and they see things from their perspective only. Welcome to the individualistic 21st century, where people prefer to have freedom, where people prefer to have ”space” where fake truths and opinions are pushed to be an alternate truth, even though there is not such thing as an alternate truth, where people care more about the ”formal” side of love, and they associate love with actions, with how much you show, as if love is a corporate action, where if you don’t impress your manager you fail, and people don’t care about you, as if you have never existed after a while. Welcome to the world of disdain and regression and please don’t enjoy the ride but do something about it, no matter how busy you are. I know I will. And I know that my emotions and feelings will progress once again and with that, the world, even though it will be a very very painful process.