Friends

All of us have them. Many of us think they have them. Some of us have more online friends than real friends and even if they might create that false closeness, they will be just online friends that will never replace those “real” friends.

This post is dedicated to those “real” friends that slowly but surely are disappearing due this modern society that we are living in, that despite being more open, and being more connected, it’s actually more closed.  One of the many mysteries and paradoxes of life. Strange is this life. It’s dedicated to all of us out there, that have that real friend, that felt that connection and that know how hard is to find that real friend that is close to you and that you know that you can trust about anything and everything. That you understand them without any words said. That you just look at them and you know what they are thinking about. You relate to their feelings, to their current state of mind. You share happiness and sadness together. Virtually everything. Lastly you grow together every single day.

For us, the perfectionists and idealists that best best friend is your husband/wife the one you love the most. Isn’t that one if not the greatest goal in life? The whole adventure of not just being with that person but also the first moments of meeting them, building emotions with them and exploring life with them. The beauty of life, one of its many, is that before finding that person, and even after, you need “other” friends. Friends that you respect and enjoy every single moment with them when you are with them. A non-romantic love, a different kind of love. They say, and they are probably right, that those type of friends last forever. Or should.

This weekend I was strongly reminded that some friendships, do last forever indeed. My best friend, that I know for 10 years that lived in Italy and left it recently, came to visit me over the weekend. He was already tired when he came, because he had travelled before quite a lot. Obviously I was really happy to see him and I did my best to be the perfect host for the limited time he was visiting Milan, and due to his tiredness I tried to organize the time, so that I don’t ”overburn” him, like for example going out to a bar and staying to 3 am, meeting and going out with girls on a Saturday night, knowing that we had to wake up at 5:30 AM on a Sunday, because he had to catch his flight. Nonetheless best moments in life last shortly. And I will come back to that popular phrase later. But as I was happy to see him, I immediately knew that after his departure, I will miss him. Because he is one of those real friends that you either get to know in your or you don’t. The days and time during his stay in Milan elapsed absurdly fast. We talked about many things. As if from when I saw him last, nothing changed. We knew that we changed, and we talked why and in what way we changed, but you know that someone is your best friend, when you need to talk little, and you understand each other perfectly. The silence is welcomed sometimes. Because it clears your mind. It helps you evolve and build connections. I was reminded that he respects me really and I reminded him that I really respect him through simple actions. Like for example, he told me that he wants to take a walk, but only with me after 6PM, because he is tired of all the other. We ended up staying till 11PM yesterday night. Checking out girls, not hitting on them, because I knew that he was super tired already. Even if he wanted to end up with someone, I stopped him, with an “order” that when he comes out again in June, revitalized, we will go out to concerts and we will do much more. I ended up waking up at 5:30 and going with him at 7 AM to the main train station  to say the difficult goodbye. And out of huge respect, we knew that both of us were sad, but we didn’t say a word about sadness. Sometimes those seconds of sadness and that tap on the shoulders and the short hug, mean much much more than millions of tears.

As I said, best moments in life last shortly. But maybe not as short. I already stated that I know him for 10 years. And I am grateful and really happy that I know him and that I was able to meet him. And that he was always there for me. Even when he was not physically present. And I know that he will continue to be. Because now I surely deduced that even if we don’t hang out on a regular basis, that friendship is everlasting.

Men are different than woman. We might not share as many emotions and much words, but at moments I in a friendship between guys the empathy can be stronger. Which doesn’t reduce girls/women friendships. It’s just different. Both genders have their own ways. and both of those ways are equally beautiful.

Thank you dude, I dedicate this post to you because rock and remember to never change because of any other one. No matter how hard life is, no matter how emotionally difficult sometimes life can be, we both know that life is beautiful and remember to try to be a bit more optimistic because it’s an. Respect your own values, your choices, don’t reduce them, and cherish them, because for the best things in life you need to wait, even though you might wait a long time, life has its own ways of acting for the best of us.

A final note for all of you out there, try to find that best, that real friend, and try to prolong those beautiful moments in life so that they are not short. Your life is yours and you command it. There is no such thing as destiny. Only different choices. Respect others and respect yourself. Love others and love yourself. Share your life with others, and don’t be afraid of that. Because it’s a great feeling. The likes of us that have those best friends, and that have experienced those moments, know what I am talking about.

 

 

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The story of the two birthdays and people’s behaviour.

There is something incredibly strange and fascinating when an Introvert finds himself/herself surrounded by plenty of Extroverts. At moments the person can feel incredibly overwhelmed and lost, but an incredible experience can be drawn and felt from a night/day like my day yesterday. As I predicted before the actual day, yesterday was all about surprises and trying to manage and adapt to a circle of people that are different, that are unlike me. I had no idea, that it would be as ”complicated” and as impromptu. Especially the second birthday that I was unsure I will be going to.

The first one, a quite relaxing one, with one of my closest friends, and the atmosphere was peaceful and understanding. Nothing too special and not many surprises. Just 4 friends + one sheepshagger obviously born in Wales. As it goes, the sheepshagger, a pretty cool person, always used sarcasm. At a point even I wanted to take a break from the immense usage of sarcasm and humor, even though I enjoyed the conversation quite a lot. From Black Holes, to White Russians, to Area 51, to CERN to why Welsh people are called sheepshaggers to an imitation of how Englishmen drink their tea. Totally new experience all in all. After that, a small break, a pause before the hurricane. A walk around Como (city in northern Italy) with an autumn jacket, on a cold weather. Luckily the sweater and the shirt were enough for me to feel warm and to feel the magic feeling that cold weather brings. Cold weather brings so many emotions, and it activates your mind in that special way. Especially if you are an introvert.

As me and my friends were coming back, by train, along lightless small towns between Como and Milan, I am asking my friend whether we are going to the second birthday, and he categorically says no who cares. At that moment I lose my will and interest as well to go. And then a phonecall, from the girl that was organizing the second birthday. She called my friend, and as he can’t say no in his life, he changes his mind just like that, and just like that I realize while she is talking to her that we are going. And something weird happens. I feel better and happier, even though I am by nature an Introvert and I don’t care so much about birthdays as much. But this second one was a tricky one. I knew that 2 girls (at least) will be present that I have a short history with and maybe just maybe a what I predict a short to at most medium-length history with one of them, or who knows maybe the two of them, in different periods of life.

Now the history part. The first story dates 4 years ago, from when one of the girls found out that I listen to Tiziano Ferro, and she became interested in me. At first, like the arrogant bastard I am at times, I had almost no interest in her. And then after a period of time, as it happens, our lives took different paths. I got married (and luckily divorced), she got a boyfriend, a bit of flirting initiated by her 2 years ago, a missed encounter in Florence where she claims that I saw her and ignored her, a moment I tried convinced her, I was totally unaware of. A moment that she reminds me of everytime she sees me, and because of the fact she reminds me of it, convinces me that she does hold a grudge about it for a reason. And I am sure she wouldn’t if she didn’t have at least a crush for me. The second story, a really short one with the second girl, dates from 5-6 months ago, when I occasionally met this girl, that at first glance (and second and third), seemed shy, had looks that I easily fall for, and a height decent enough for me, which I also fall for. It was just a brief encounter, an encounter after which I was sure she wouldn’t remind me, because I was tired, not so interested in anything, with long hair and not so nicely dressed, unlike her, that was ready for a night out, for an aperitivo, with her friends. After the invitation from her friend, the one that had the birthday yesterday, to hang out with them I had to say no, because first I was tired, second I was as described before, not ready for that. And something told me that for her, I had to be ready. I was not mistaken. I just said to myself back then, that I have to wait for another opportunity to present myself as I know and start from there. As we all know history is quite important.

To continue my story after that history bit, there I was, heading with my friend to a neighborhood that I knew, close to where I recently moved out from, a decent Milan neighbourhood. Curious about what will happen next and planning things even before I saw anyone at that birthday. Finally we arrive there. I am now regretting that I am wearing my black sneaker shoes that I use normally when I go to the gym. Because I know that I will be on the spot. Wrongly so maybe but it is how the things function in Italy, fashion and style is very important, which is normal. First encounter, with the girl that I have more history with. Immediately I can notice that she changes her mood when I enter and starts telling her friend (the one that organizes the birthday) something. Now, maybe I am self-centered, and at moments I am, but I think that I can still notice these type of things and I can read people quite well. And the night starts to unveil it’s complicated cloth. A normal conversation, that has to pass with a beer and some chips as its the case on birthdays. At least birthdays organized by people at that age. Actually that part of the night was more stable and more beautiful, just 6 people at that point, not so much crowd, a conversation that was lead by all, and all can join it. And then, people started arriving one by one. The atmosphere is becoming dense, it is becoming less entertaining and more individualistic. It’s not a unity anymore, the hypothetical unity is formed from lots of different stories that are led between the participants, stories that will probably be forgotten by some and that little magic that was present before, will never be replicated and will be forgotten as well. As time passes, I happen to know more and more people, that to be honest I have no interest it, because they are plain. Wow, what I snobby way of putting it and saying that right away about people you are just seeing. A kind reminder, I can read people pretty well, and I am sure that others are like that. It’s not a sign of arrogance, it’s a sort of a bad talent, or a bad habit. Diverse people, theoretical IT non practitioner guy (What? That exists?), and a lots of people studying design or architecture. And there she is, the second girl, finally she arrives. This is when the night becomes interesting and more complicated. As I predicted. She congratulates the birthday girl, and I could see her marvelous eyes wandering around the small room. As she is becoming a bit tired from looking at all of the people around her, her eyes lighten as she sees me. Just for a second. But that second is quite crucial. You either notice that moment, or you don’t. And it’s quite important if you notice it. It tells you a lot of things. Sometimes I wonder whether my life would be less complicated if didn’t have that ability to notice that. There she was, a little confused, but she sits next to me. Like it’s a general rule, like it is meant to be like that. After the initial getting to know each other, I can tell that she probably doesn’t remember me, but she does want to get to know me, more than she wants to get to know others, because I am different now, different than that night 5-6 months ago. And I have mixed feelings right away. Mixed because, she is different. She thinks that she is above others. Her style, the way she speaks indicates that, the way she becomes boring if you don’t entertain her. So more or less similar to me. And things wouldn’t be fun if they are not complicated. Complicated because that behaviour is the behaviour that I am attracted to. At the same time I want that she is less extroverted. But I can notice while talking to her, and looking at her eyes, distanced 20 cm away or so, that she is actually timid. She is shy around me, she is reserved, and she wants to get to know me more. Which is all nice. But there is that feeling, that is there after the night, that she might be too different. Too extroverted. But at the same time something tells me that I will see her again, and I might have something with her. What, I can’t say that right now. Whether I will, it doesn’t depend just on me. Lots of different factors are in place. Whilst the night was passing, at one moment I could tell I am at the center of attention. And it happened suddenly. I started speaking in English, and then as if everyone wanted to get to know me. And even though it flatters me, I hate to be in that position. Because from when I was young, I hated having to dedicate attention to all. Because it’s not possible. Because it’s just a waste of time for me. And people’s behaviour is strange in that sense. Before that moment, before I started speaking English, I was the stranger, After that, I could tell that all their eyes were focused on me. Maybe because I have that effect on people. Maybe because I have that way of getting people interested in me, especially women/girls. A passive way, which proved in the past to be effective. What matters is that I was not prepared for that part as well. After a while I was quickly tired, and as it was nearing 23:00, I became really tired and I needed a smoke. At the end, when me and two of my friends left, I hugged the girl that I have more history with, and I looked the second girl, as she stood up and our eyes met again as many times that night.

My instincts are entangled now, and I have to rely on them to know how to proceed. Or I can just wait and see what happens in the future. Something will, something always does. What, only time, our actions coupled with our previous actions and history will tell.

 

Extroverts love summer, Introverts love winter, ones complete the other ones, light and fire must complete each other, yin and yang as well, Englishmen and sheepshaggers for sure.

Loving the world through loving yourself

I want to start my Sunday post by saying thank you to my best friends, which I respect immensely, and which helped me in numerous occasions, through words only, through their side of life, through their views and understandings. Those friends that you can get up in the middle of the night to keep you company, ask them to go on a walk with you without giving them any reason to, understanding you, and even if they don’t say anything they say much. Sadly, one of the two, is not near me so that I can bother more at the moment, but luckily I was lucky enough to have met him, and to maintain that understanding that is pretty rare, on a greater level, on a level where we can agree about our disagreements, and surprise ourselves sometimes by thinking about the same exact idea or finding out that some of our definitions about life, love, the world are the same. Hopefully, they will read this one day, and they will enjoy recognise themselves, it will mean something to them, and they will remember parts of this digital scribble, if not the whole thing.

To continue, as we all know, life is hard. It gets even harder when you feel that the unity that you taught is eternal it was still of this world, human, and with an expiration date.. When the one that you thought was happy with you and can’t live without you, feels trapped and wants freedom, when the one that you were saying to I want to do all of the things with you, no matter what it is, out of love, and because she was your everything, doesn’t want that, and wants to do things by herself, and treats you weird and rejects that idea of being with one another constantly. Maybe some are too self-centred, and need that freedom, and can’t get past that idea of giving part of their freedom to that other person that they claim they care and love so much. Maybe they can’t modify their lives, make small tweaks that will ultimately make their lives fulfilled, because they are doing the things that makes the unity happy instead of the individual. Maybe it’s unimaginable for some people to function like this, because nowadays, people are more and more raised to think individually. When someone can’t see the bigger picture, and see beyond that, transcend that field, that person is trapped, confined, and living within his/her limits, too afraid to realise what is right, and too afraid to make a change, or be open to a change.

Luckily there are people out there, that are seeing the world positively, they see love as a revelation, as a sacred thing, as a superlative feeling, as the feelings above all feelings, and that love must start from the love within you, your inner self and everything you represent. The love that you have for yourself, transmits into others and makes their lives more beautiful, because if you can’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love others, you don’t know the feeling, and you can’t look for the same thing in others, and seek their love, if love as a variable is unknown to you. Everything comes to an end one day, everything except love, and even though life is hard, harder when you feel that that sacred love is getting unidirectional, you mustn’t forget things, you mustn’t remain the best version of yourself that you know, and move forward, because that love will always be there, the love within yourself, and the love towards someone, despite everything will not be wasted, it will remain on the highest step of the mountain called life, and it will stay there, forever, and it will never die, because it was, it is, and it will always be,infinite.