Hollow talk

Just a name of a song by Choir of Young Believers or is it just that? I wish it was just that. And I wish I had never felt that hollow talk. I wish I didn’t have to come to this place. Dark place, full of clouds, a place where nothing is clear, where your head wants to continue, but something more important tells you that you can’t move forward. Fast forward 5 years from now. I might have a better social status, I might have a better job, I might become the person I see myself as in 5 years, but will it be worth? I might be more satisfied,  but I won’t be happy. I might be free, but I won’t be dependent. I might be loved, but I will never love.Not as I did. Because we have only one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything we ever wanted, in one moment, will we capture it, or just let it slip? Eminem anyone? And it definitely slips away, that moment, that in my life was planned to last forever, because I know that in my mind, and in my heart that moment is forever captured, forever remembered and never forgotten. No pictures, no videos, just me and my memories that I will nurture and I will never let my mind forget them, I will never let my the emotions that my heart feels go away, vanish, as if they never were there. I can’t be a hypocrite to myself and let that happen.It definitely is painful. Many have said, you are young, you can’t possibly think like that, but it is possible, because I think I know myself pretty well. Darkness looms over me, and darkness is covering my entire room except the area in front of my laptop screen. Will light shine again as it did in the past 3 years? Will I ever be able to see beyond the darkness, and be able to live this life and be truly happy, on my own and dependent on myself only? Hardly probable, Is time the perfect healer? Again, hardly probable. The things that are sure are that I will have to start anew, learn to live this new kind of imposed life, one without my best friend, have many sleepless nights, be lonely, look at life from many angles, and have hollow talks with myself.

 

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