A new post, a new life?

The sun shines bright today. And with that my life takes, what it seems a massive turn. Will it be a positive turn? Probably because I can feel it must be. I can’t go back to the state I was. Hidden, lost, inactive and worried. Don’t get me wrong I am still worried, but it’s a different kind of worry. It’s from those worries where you can sense that your life will be better and better.  I finally decided to find out how should I deal with my school. And I did found out. I have 2 options. The first one is to pay an immense amount of money, amount of money which I don’t have, or the enrol again, and that is if they accept me again, which knowing my previous history, is a huge risk. Or maybe there is something in-between those two options, a glimmer of hope, an option that can undo all of this, but that is highly improbable.. However it turns out to be, it will be for the better. After having left office number 12, I felt free. Relieved, that I finally know what to do. Even if that meant partially having to forget 3 and a half years of my life. Partially because, and it’s always like that in life, in the past 3 and a half years, I had my best moments in life, moments where I was truly happy, moments spent with my one and only true love in this world, Anna.

The irony in life, as it always happens, is that together with the best moments, shortly after in this period, I had some of the worst moments. As if they had to happen to bring the balance in life, which sooner or later always happens.  Worst because in those moments, I closed so much, and lost sense of reality. Which sometimes has positive sides, but it hurts the others around you, and it hurt the one I love the most, the one that was there for me, with all her strength, with all her kindness, honesty, and simplicity. And because it did hurt her, things became unstable. Unstable to that point where she lost gradually the trust she had in me. And for a person like me, that means everything in life. It means more than everything combined.

From when as I kid, I always believed in one true love. I raised myself from watching others, watching movies, listening to emotional songs, and reading books, to believe in this eternal love. And when I met her, from the very first moment, I knew that she is the one. She had to be the one. Her words got to me, her words meant everything to me. They made sense, and they were the first thing I wanted to read in the morning, the last thing I wanted to read before I went to bed. And I was happy. That was the pinnacle of my one true love, I could feel it all around me, I could feel it in the train I took everyday to Milan, I could feel it in the beauty of the spring, I could feel it it in the bright sky, on a cold night, I could feel it in the air, and my heart was full for the first time. The flame was lit, and that flame like the Olympic flame, was never turned off. And no matter what happens from this day on, from the day where this ”new life” begins for me, that flame will always be there, because I know that I will love her only. She is the only one that makes sense, and the only one that makes this world beautiful to me. Because she is the best. Just the way she is.

 

 

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